Log in

No account? Create an account


Brandon and I are engaged to be married May 2009. Brandon has been very excited at having Carter for his son. We are both confident that my little baby boy is going to have simply the best childhood EVA. We will probably stay here in town for the next four years. When Carter is four or five we will move to Korea (Osan Air Base, near Seoul) for two years. Brandon should get his choice of air base following deployment to Korea, and Brandon wants Hawaii. So Carter will spend his sixth or seventh through his ninth or tenth year in Hawaii. I am so happy about this. I hear Hawaii is a great place to grow up.

So, Carter is on the verge of crawling. It's pretty cool. He rolls all over the place and has excellent head and back control. He generally has around four bottles a day. I give him cereal twice a day, and serve it with a fruit or veggie. He gets meat once a day, and I mix it with a fruit or veggie because he hates the flavor. Sometimes I give him egg yolk instead of meat, and sometimes he gets macaroni and cheese. He really hates meat straight up. He really enjoys his mesh feeder. His favorite thing is frozen banana, but he also likes crackers a whole bunch.

I am so happy. Brandon and I are an incredible match. We really see eye to eye, you know?

Hi All

It's been a really long time. School has been keeping me busy (math test today, wish me luck!) and the baby is growing so fast! Carter rolls over so easily now, and weighs 21 pounds if you can believe it. Brandon will be buying a car seat for his truck, since the one I have in there now only holds 22 pounds. Anyway, Carter uses his walker to walk backwards now. On the carpet he does not move at all, but when I put him on the concrete at the back of the house he really rolls. He gets so excited. It makes me very happy. He and Brandon are REALLY getting along great now. The other day I overheard Brandon calling himself "Daddy" talking to the baby, and I walked into the room as he snuck a baby kiss. He played this song for me later. I have listened to it twice now, and both times it has really really really made me cry.

He Died Alone

My great uncle Jorge died early yesterday morning. We called him "Jorge Tio", or "Uncle Jorge." This was because his father was named Jorge, and so was his nephew/my uncle. Anyway. He died yesterday morning. He was a very good man, everybody tells me. Mostly, I just remember him as being jolly. His wife died three years ago, and he had a stroke soon after. Even while he was laid up in bed at the hospital he was jolly. Even when he could barely speak and definitely could not walk he was jolly. Think about what kind of a person you have to be to be so happy even in the face of,  of all, of all that! Eleven days ago my grandmother took him, her baby brother, to the hospital in Panama because he was not feeling well. They found out that he was being eaten alive with cancer. He had cancer in every bone in his body, in his lungs, and even in his brain. He was okay the first week, but in the second week the pain became unbearable. The hospital gave him nothing for his pain (universal health care, so they don't give a fuck and are not about to "waste" money on something that isn't going to cure you). My grandmother went to the hospital yesterday to have him transferred to a pain clinic (a friend of hers worked there, and agreed to take him) so that he could have something for his pain, and so that he could have somebody with him at night. When she got to the hospital, happy to be able to transfer him, she was told that he had died hours earlier. Nobody had notified anybody in my family.
This man was not a dog.
He was my uncle.
He deserved better.

This is the universal healthcare you want to bring to America? Where people are not people? Where we are all numbers? Where pain means nothing? Where dying alone means nothing? Where your family means nothing?

My uncle died alone. He died in agony. His entire life. . . his last few minutes of life were spent looking alone at a dirty ceiling, his whole body racked with a pain that could find no relief. How is that even possible anymore? How could something like this happen?


Brandon said to do whatever I think is best for me. Right now, whatever is best for the baby is best for me. I just don't know what that is. . . I'm working on sending out applications to UCF, FSU, FIU or FAU, and maybe UNF. All of those schools have interesting program options I do not have available to me here in town that could make me very marketable as a teacher and ensure good job security. UCF, for example, has Spanish Language Education. I could then minor in Exceptional Student Education (and maybe work with Gifted students), English Language Education (and be able to teach English or Spanish), or Spanish (and have a greater knowledge base). Staying here in town would mean studying either Social Studies Education *not passionate about* or Elementary Education *no shortage of those*. Leaving would be better in the sense that I would be better prepared to take care of my son by myself. However, it would also mean leaving Brandon behind. For now, I will just fill out my applications and hope that in a few months the right desicion will become clear.